Struggles

I've been trying to find the right words for this blog post, to try and explain what I've been feeling the last few days. It's a mixture of sadness, grief, regret, guilt, and confusion.

Monday morning during my 2nd class, all teaching was put on hold because one of our students, a 14year old 9th grade boy, was missing. He'd been swimming in the river a few km from my town the day before and never returned home. We got together, about 30 of us, to set out lookng for him. Right before we left, as I was putting on my poncho, I was told the women were going to stay behind- I couldn't go. I told them I too had eyes to help look and I was going.
We went out into the bush along the path to the river. Because of all the rain, the river has formed little pools that people like to 'tomar banho' or to go swimming in. When we reached the pool we saw his clothes in a neat pile-my heart dropped. Several boys jumped in the water to look for him. After about 20 mins his body was found a bit down the river. He was removed from the water, placed in blankets, and carried the 3km back to my town.

One thing that's been hard to handle in the last two days, besides seeing one of my students being pulled from the river, is the lack of emotion surrounding the whole situation. On Monday, the only glimmer of emotion I saw was when Comiche- one of my students from last year- saw the boy in the water for the first time. Naturally, he yelled and swam away, but then went back. There was no crying, no apparent signs of grief or distress, except classes were cancelled for the rest of the day. I guess the lack of emotion comes from self preservation- so much death and loss occurs here that they can't let each incident sink in all the way. I guess this is all part of living in a third world country.